ROIDS!

Hey friends. Its your exhausted, yet wired blogger friend! I don't really have much to say except that you should avoid steroids at all costs because they make you a totally different person than you actually are. I'm completely amped up! BUT, they're also turning out to be a really awesome anxiety-fix! I've not been nervous all day! I'm pretty sure that's because I can't focus on one thing long enough to be nervous about it, but I'll take what I can get. Somehow I managed to completely dominate my A&P test (grace of God, that's how) and I'm really praying He'll give me the same help on the micro test tomorrow. I'm even more lost on that one than I was on A&P.

Talked to my advisor for approximately 5 minutes today and that was pretty useless. I think I'm finished until the program starts, but she told me I could take American Literature "if I want to." What? Of course I dont WANT to. So I have to go to the admissions office and see if they'll take one of my humanities or Englishes from UGA or not...I'm so whacked out I'll probably straight up beg. Not too proud!

In other news, I registered (late) for the GACE today & decided to just take Middle Grades Language Arts. Mainly because I've got finals the week before and the HESI exam 2 weeks after, so I really don't have time to study for Middle Grades Science as much as I would need to. Unless I continue these steroids...

Otherwise, I have a rash and can't stop singing Little Bitty Pretty One (I only know about 2 lines so its getting quite old). My calf muscles won't stop twitching and my movements are a little jerky. I begged my teacher to let me leave class early, but I was afraid I would miss something, so I snuck into the bathroom to take my steroid pill in case I gagged.  I didn't! I ate supper and TWO desserts (one to wash down the bitter taste of the pill) and I'm still hungry. Go 'roids go. I'm also feeling quite nostalgic about old dance routines and sweet old dance friends that are too far away.

I hope this makes sense and I've got no clue how its so long. Story of my life.

This message brought to you in part by Prednisone and shrimp pasta.

XOXO,
Hannah, the roid queen extraordinaire

Beach Weekend 2011

Hi friends! We just got back from BEAUTIFUL Mexico Beach, where we had a [mostly] wonderful and relaxing time. The beach was great, but it was too windy to lay out for more than hour...it is February after all. Still, we were able to sit up on the fantastic balcony and look at the water which was good enough for us! It was stunning! Here's a picture to give you an idea of how the weekend started out. (I didn't get many due to a teensy distraction...more on that later)

After a beautiful day at the beach where we inevitably ran into 2 of Tyler's students, we decided to go to Toucan's for a beachy dinner. I wanted pasta and being the Picky Peggy that I am, I wanted the shrimp pasta even though I don't like shrimp--I'd just eat around it. The shrimp pasta suited my needs better, it had mushrooms (maybe my favorite food even though they don't have much of a taste) and yummy alfredo sauce. I got the pasta, and after fishing out the giant, veiny, yucky shrimp, I ate about 3/4 of it. DELICIOUS. If you ever go to Mexico Beach, try Toucans. It's expensive ($17 for my shrimp pasta), but its really good. I digress. Afterwards, my throat was hurting and I thought the only way to remedy it would be ice cream, so we got some and sat down to watch 3+ hours of Sybil. And then I couldn't finish my ice cream (HUGE red flag). My throat was swelling up and closing at a regular pace. I started drinking as much cool water as possible (felt better, anyway) and took advil (stupid). After about an hour, we knew there was no reason to be waiting.

Unfortunately, the closest hospital was in Panama City and we had to drive 30+ minutes to get there. I was panicked. Tyler was scared to death, he didn't admit that of course, but his white knuckles said it all. Having never been to the ER before, you already know how cautious and nervous I am so this shouldn't surprise you, I was a real basketcase. Shaking like a leaf and needing to use the potty REALLY bad. We made it to the hospital and by the grace of God, we were the only people in the ER--thank you off-season! 

By this point, I am gagging if I try to say a word, so Tyler (and his super-sensitive gag reflex) is doing all of the talking for me. I'm assuming the ER staff thought I was either insane or spoke another language, because they all looked so confused. We got checked in and 30 minutes later I'm talking to a PA. The PA was AMAZING by the way--very thorough and very sweet. She immediately recognized my symptoms(closed throat and rash) as a severe allergic reaction..we quickly put together that shrimp was the culprit. She hurriedly got a nurse and set up an IV for me with a nice little benadryl/pepsid/steroid cocktail. Now the steroid got me all kinds of wired and one of the side effects makes you "feel like you have ants in your pants." I thought that meant I'd be antsy. NO. It felt like I'd pulled my pants down and sat on a fire ant bed.  I was squirming and wishing I could just let my throat close on up because that was awful. If anyone ever warns you of such a side effect you get down on your knees and beg for something else. I wanted some ice water poured straight down my pants. Luckily it was short-lived and I was blessed with Benadryl...which made me woozy and sleepy. Sweet PA was talking to me and I have no clue what she said. I just wanted to hug her and fall asleep. Then the steroids had me wide awake again. Then the Benadryl knocked me out again. I was up and down and feeling crazy and "experiencing every unfortunate side effect you could possibly experience" STORY OF MY LIFE! Here I am feeling groovy during a Benadryl phase... 

After the IV cocktail we had to wait. So, inappropriate drugged Hannah came out and did some texting. Mostly I just sent things like "at the hospiatl apprently have shellfigh allergie. dont get your girl prego" Hahaha, it was so much fun reading that this morning! I also had some great things to say, so Tyler wrote them down. I'll add that at the end. After some waiting and watching the wooziness not wear off, the nurse brought in a giant bag of saline to give me, and took me to a room with a bed. I had to document my first wheelchair ride. I also tried to impress the bored/annoyed nurse with my sweet A&P knowledge. I let her know that I was aware what was happening with haptens and the "first line of defense" of my immune system, and that I knew the definition of a uvula (mine was swollen--its that punching bag in the back of your throat). She told me I would get bored with wheelchairs if I stuck with nursing even though I thought this one was cool. This picture must've been taken when I accidentally fell asleep.

Once in the room we got to watch TV, which was conveniently turned to WCW or some other "wrasslin" show. I was awake and asleep in cycles, and when I was waking I was watching the bag of IV fluid drain, all while saying hilarious things I can't remember. Here are the intelligent quotes Tyler recorded:

"I hate peanut butter, especially on bagels."

"My teeth are happy"

"You know what I need? A smartphone. Hannah is...(dozes off)...in the hospital"

T: "Would you please say more hilarious things to me?" Me: "I don't have time. I'm TRYING to heal!"

"Oftentimes I feel a disconnect from my body"

"Just write it down while I lay here and SUFFER."

So, if you ever want to hear me be hilarious on command, feed me shrimp. Also, I have to note that this was all funnier because the swollen throat gave me a speech impediment. To avoid gagging, I didn't say R's. So it was all "suffa" and "smat phone" and "TWYING to heal" I'm guessing I sounded like Bahhhbra from Teen Mom 2. Maybe I should get one of her signature blue shirts.

Ok, this is too long, but I'm still shocked that I've spent time in the ER and I had to record it. I'm on steroids ALL week and taking 2 tests + working 2 jobs, so please pray for me (and mainly Tyler!)

XOXO,

Hannah

Wow!

Wow! I am incredibly humbled and overwhelmed by all of the support and suggestions you have given me! You are all wonderful and I honestly feel blessed to have YOU reading my blog and taking YOUR time to share with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea how much encouragement you bring or how uplifting you are. I love you all and intend to reply individually, I've just got a whole lot to do this evening.

While I have some to thank, others were not impressed by my consideration of medication, so I suppose I owe you more of an explanation. For starters, this is not a decision I would ever take lightly. If it were, I would be on all kinds of medication and feeling AWESOME right now. You should know that those (like me) who are full of anxiety tend to try to control and over-analyze everything and taking medication would be no exception. Additionally, this is something I fight with everyday. Heavy sweating, chest pain and gray hair at 23! No that's not all, but this consideration didn't come from a solitary panic attack. Also, as this has been suggested for well over 2 years, it should be easy to see that I'm avoiding it. I don't want to be medicated. But I do want to be educated. (I'm silently applauding myself for that new little mantra!) I need to know what potential help exists and make an educated decision with the resources I have. Please remember that its not just me that my anxiety affects--my Tyler has to attempt to calm and console me and that's not always easy.

So here's what I'm asking for now, would you pray with me? I don't know all these answers, in fact I know none of the answers I'm begging for right now, but God's known them all along. He'll lead me down the right career path and the right anxiety-management path and take care of me the whole way. It sure does help to have yall in my corner though!

On a much lighter note, I am looking frump-tastic today. So much so that two of my dearest friends have offered to completely make me over! Haha! Somehow my favorite khaki pants have turned into the most incredible pair of high-waters you've ever seen, and I can't find my brown flats so I'm suddenly wearing Sperrys with everything. I'm lookin' rough, basically. Of course I've already mentioned the gray hair, which doesn't help matters. I'll take this moment to rant a little bit about the lack of affordable, cute clothes for my age group. We're not ready for middle aged clothes yet, but we're just a bit too old for the Forever 21s and Charlotte Russe we used to wear. Difficulties! Anybody have any suggestions for the awkward 20-something in the office?? One of the perks of nursing has always been the scrubs for me! What an easy wardrobe!

Well, I've got a test, a lab and some packing to do before Grey's (the highlight of my week) so I must be going! I seriously love you all and thank you for keeping up with all of my insanity!

XOXO,
Hannah

Gravity.

Hey hey! Its your favorite mouse hunter! Still losing the epic mouse battle, of course, but excitedly preparing for a little beach weekend.

Serious subject tonight, though. If you've been reading this blog very long you're aware that pre-Tyler (my incredible, supportive, loving, amazing, better than I deserve husband) I was involved in an abusive relationship. Tonight, a friend posted a link on facebook to a song by Sarah Bareilles called Gravity. This happens to be the third time I've heard of this song this week, so I decided to take a listen. Turns out, its basically a description of her struggle with getting out of an abusive relationship. Now, I have no idea what her story is, or even if the song details her story, but its an excellent depiction of what its really like. So, for all of you who have asked what its like and "why can't you just get out?" check it out. Maybe it'll help you to understand. Or maybe it won't, but if that's the case I hope nothing ever happens to make you understand. Honestly. Please don't think by posting this that I am stuck in the past or refusing to heal. I have healed, I've spent a ton of time healing, but I also made a promise to myself to raise awareness and prove this situation occurred for the greater good, so this is just one attempt to keep that promise to myself. Plus its just an incredible song, regardless of what its about.
To read my story click here. To listen to the song click here.

Lastly, and this may or may not be related, every doctor I've been to in the past couple of years has recommended I start anxiety medication. Yes, I'm a worrier, and yes, I'm constantly nervous about something, but I'm not sure all of this is necessary. Basically, I'm asking for your take on it if you have one. If you're on medication and wouldn't mind sharing, please do! You can send me a private email or a facebook message. If you're a doctor/nurse/shrink, your opinion matters a lot and I would love to hear it as well. I have a doctor's appointment Wednesday, and I want to have some kind of response formulated to give her when she inevitably mentions it.

Heavy topics tonight folks, and I apologize. I do value your opinions and recommend the song, though! Hope to hear from you!

XOXO,
Hannah

Ranty Rant.

Hello strangers! Been busy, as usual, and to be honest, I couldn't blog last night because I was straight up mad. Mad enough to cry. Being afraid of cussing on the internet or something far worse, I kept it to myself and let my husband make me happy with a little mouse chase. Seriously.

Yesterday was a pretty good day on the whole, I aced my respiratory test (just in case you need to know the parts of your respiratory system, I'm your girl) and the day went by quickly even though Tyler has hijacked my kindle (to read the Hunger Games I've been raving about). It was for the best, of course, otherwise I couldn't tell you all that you ever wanted to know about mucus. I digress. However I should've expected a rough day as I was greeted by a baby mouse while sitting on the porcelain throne first thing yesterday morning, and due to this scare, not all contents made it where they were supposed to. More on little mouse later.

 Let me start with the fact that I've been emailing my advisor for approximately 2 wks in a desperate attempt to set up an advising appointment. I work a full-time job, a part-time job and I go to school full-time, so its necessary for me to complete such tasks as early as possible. After calls and emails, I get no response. Monday (Feb. 28) is our early registration day for spring AND summer, and all students will be on campus fighting to see their advisor and register on that day. Sound like a nightmare? It does to me. Early bird gets the worm. Unless said bird is a student at my college where all of those who are not currently employed eat up all of the worms while we're stuck with the maggots or plague-infested fleas. No, I am not bitter. All that to say, I emailed another advisor literally pleading for help, only to get a one-liner back telling me to show up on Monday. Does this plan sound at all efficient to you?!?! Oh how I miss UGA where I could be advised 3 months ahead of time if my studious heart so desired! The worst part is I don't even know if I have any classes left to take (thanks to the overall lack of access to my own transcripts and transfer credits), so meeting with me would take approximately 5 minutes. However, if I try to go on my lunch break Monday I can assure you there will be a line out the door just like there was when I went to pay my bill that was already paid but they hadn't recorded before this quarter started. BOO INEFFICIENCY! I think they should hire me and my wealth of organizational skills so I can put together a sensible advising/registration plan. Anyway, Bitter Betty will just have to get advised after my anatomy class that ends at 8:30pm on Monday. Pray for me, and whatever poor soul does end up getting stuck advising me, because I'm sure I'll be epically pleasant after an 8 hour work day and 3.5 hour class period. They should be so glad that I've already completed and submitted my "student satisfaction survey!"

On to the mouse. When I got home, there appeared my slightly disheveled knight in shining armor with a broom in hand, rubber gloves and plastic bags. Why? Mouse hunt. Poor Tyler chased that baby mouse all over the living room, into corner after corner, only to get him to places where Tyler couldn't reach. It really was a valiant effort, but to no avail. Little mouse had one last night of fun-filled house-roaming (and pooping, says Tyler).

This morning, Tyler woke me to inform me that I needed to stay in bed a little longer (oh darn) because he had something to take care of. This would've been nice had he left the last part out and let me go back to sleep. Thanks to baby mousey's overall lack of cognitive ability, he managed to scale the toilet brush and take a dive into the trash can. Unfortunately for him, he had no way out of said can. Tyler found him trapped and jumping this morning--victory was our's! But what do you do with a live mouse jumping around in a trash can?? We knew we couldn't let him live; we'd done that once before and the mouse we spared came back. So Tyler filled a tiny recycling trash can 1/2 way with water and plopped the worn-out-from-jumping baby mouse inside. He promptly drowned.

When the mouse debacle had ended, Tyler also informed me that we are going to the beach this weekend!! Best husband ever! Unfortunately I have a test Monday and a test Tuesday, but I've already done a lot of studying for this very reason! I cannot wait and hope to have pictures for you.

Well friends, the time has come to choreograph for my sweet dance babies in preparation for tomorrow's classes. I'll be a better blogger from now on, I hope. Keep praying for us and my future job situation please!

XOXO,
Hannah

Given up.

Well folks, I'm giving up on the 30 day photo challenge, because it bored me to tears. It wasn't all that interesting and in order to avoid searching for pictures to post on here I just quit blogging altogether. Not cool. So I'm back, but the dumb picture game is not. Boo hoo.

I'd like you to know that I'm blogging away from the front porch because it is a gorgeous 77 degree day here in Thomasville! BEAUTIFUL! I spent my entire day yesterday and so far today chillin out in the sunshine--YES! That does fantastic things for my mood, and horrible things for my studies. I suppose I should catch you up on the goings on as of late...not sure where to begin, but we'll see.

Thursday night I spent my first night alone in almost a year. I stayed at Granny Jan's, but slept alone of course, if you can even call it sleeping. I hate being away from my love so much that I hardly slept at all. He was in Norman Park (aka middle of nowhere, GA) at District Honor Band with some kids. Rather than stay alone Friday night, I packed up my things and drove the 50 minutes to spend time with him. That night we had a blast hanging out with other band directors and my favorite band nurse while the kids were in rehearsals. Saturday we hung out all day as well, just rocking in the rocking chairs and catching up on gossip. Perfect, relaxing Saturday! I did not want to come home, but all things must come to an end! I have been wishing I could turn back time and join my high school band so I could've gone on trips like that one!

Right now my in-laws are here (Tyler's mom & step-dad), so we've been spending time with them, between studying & online quizzes. Lots of time outside in the sunshine and its been spectacular. Boo for the real world starting back tomorrow, while all my teacher friends get a furlough day. I MISS FURLOUGH DAYS!! Bad. Which brings me to my next point.

I'm taking 2 GACES (for sure) and hoping/praying/wishing for a teaching job next year. I want to keep coaching my sweet Dazzlers, I miss being around kids/teens, and I miss being on the same schedule with my hubby. But, since I've been straight-up begging God to show me His plan for me, I'm also going to start nursing school in the fall if I'm accepted and there are no available teaching jobs. I feel like He will open and close the doors necessary to set me on the right track. Please pray with me! I can be quite stubborn and emotional, so I need to prayer to be able to accept what happens and go with it.

Well darlings, its quiz time (EW!), so I must get going. I'll try to be a better blogger this week since I'm not so caught up in the picture thing.

XOXO,
Hannah

Day 9

First of all, I am reporting live from my brand spankin' new computer!! YES! I love it and its already 293487293487 times better than my last one:) I'm going back to my "30 day challenge" and pretending I'm just now on day 9, which should've been Sunday. I've had a test, a midterm, and million other things going on, so you'll just have to forgive me for my indiscretion. Now, I give you: The person who has gotten me through the most: Tiffany Tippy TK Keys Brubaker.

I love this picture of us, because its quite typical of our friendship: me doing something senseless/stupid/ridiculous and TK looking at me like the dummy I am but jumping in anyway. I believe we were at the Dalton fair in this one. Tiffany is my best friend. When I met her I didn't really want to be her friend, she scared me a little because she was SO HAPPY/PEPPY/EXCITED, but I needed a ride. We met the first day of band camp our freshman year, and have been inseperable (emotionally, anyway) ever since. Despite our living 4 hours apart, we manage to talk almost everyday and spend time together whenever possible. Given that I'm claiming her as the person who has helped me make it through the most, here's a list of things she helped me with:

1. Adjusting to college--first friend away from home & I definitely needed her then. We spent HOURS chatting it up, shopping (retail therapy, of course), walking/riding to practice together and "studying." We've also had about 30,000 sleepovers throughout our friendship. Tyler & I have been married 8 months, and I'm still not sure I've spent more nights with him than TK.  

2. Abusive boyfriend--she was an escape & certainly played a GIANT role in the healing process. Though I swore nothing was going on, she always knew better & was always checking in on me. She also snuck over to my apartment for much needed girl time when he wasn't around. Afterwards, she stuck around to help clean up the mess & help me get as close to "normal" as I could.  

3. Accountability--post abusive boyfriend I was mad at God & she helped me get my life back on track. She's never been subtle, but she would burn me CDs and casually slip praise & worship songs in the mix. On Halloween night (2007?) I completely broke down & she took care of me, despite other plans that she had. I have never doubted that she's always praying for me, and I for her.

4. Meeting the love of my life--she was the first person to know that I knew Tyler was the one. I called her immediately following our first real day and confessed that I'd marry him someday. We celebrated with a slumber party so I could re-tell all details involving our anti-climactic night.  

5. Wedding/Honeymoon--my matron of honor and she shared details of honeymoon activities with me that I was clueless about; I could never be thankful enough for that!

I know there are about 5000 other little things she helped me through too, but those are the big ones. She gets me through the day to day now with her encouraging words, even when I want to sulk and not hear them. Due to said abusive ex boyfriend (see #2), I have an intense red rose phobia, leading me to hate Valentine's day. Precious TK just told me to shoot the flower delivery man with a nerf gun (which was so absurd I couldn't not laugh in spite of myself) and reminded me the day would be over soon. She is the absolute portrait of a best friend, and I hope you have one just like her. I love you, TK, and I hope you realize just how thankful I am for your years of friendship!

XOXO,
Hannah