Well we've lost the first battle but not the war, & though the title suggests such I'm not entirely sure this victory goes to the ovaries because I'm not yet sure which side they're on.
Tonight I'm as defeated as I've ever been. It's difficult to write this blog about infertility and spare the graphic details so I'm not going to try to do that. Today marks the 19th day I've been menstruating. 19 days of disappointment and tampons, failed ovulation tests and desperate pleas to The Lord. 19 days of hoping, praying and feeling physically, emotionally and spiritually drained.
My magic pills didn't work. I haven't ovulated and I won't be a mom in 9 months. And now, because of the 19 day period, I'm on estrogen to stop it & inhibit ovulation...see why I'm discouraged?
At this point I'd be happy just to feel normal.
I'm consumed with thoughts of pale pink and baby blue, diapers, first days of school, learning to ride bikes, first kisses and proms, and hopes and dreams Ill actually get to have these things with my precious, perfect miracle. And I'm broken over the thought that this may not happen.
I'm on hormone overload and I may curse or cry at any given moment, and my hemoglobin is in the pits because of the super period, which leaves me pale and physically weak. My hair is dry and coarse and my acne replenishes overnight. I've also got some terrible cramps and a shooting pain on my right side. I'm a mess.
Next cycle (assuming this one EVER ends) we are increasing the dosage of my Femara (magic ovulation pills) in hopes that Ill finally ovulate. I'm also ready for another appointment, because I want labs and imaging studies and SOMETHING that will help determine what is going on. Blindly "treating" the problem is clearly not working. I'm frustrated and so unbelievably sad. Filled with longing for a person I have never met. Someone I may never meet. I don't know myself anymore.
I'm sorry to share my burden the day after Thanksgiving when I should be happy and thankful for the things I DO have, rather than wishing for the things I don't. But this is where I am. Thanks, as always, for your prayers & overwhelming support. I AM thankful for each of you in my support system.
Hannah
Friday, November 29, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Femara for Fertility FTW.
Hello friends! It's your favorite crazy baby lady here, and we've reached yet another leg of our TTC (trying to conceive) journey this week! I'd like to back track a second & give you my input on progesterone and all that has happened since I last blogged...
Progesterone kicks Zzzquil's butt! Where was this stuff when I was trying to sleep all day & survive night shift?!? Best sleep I've had in years. And sexy dreams to boot! Nothing about this journey is really appropriate for sharing, I'm talking about my reproductive organs after all, so I figured I'd take a no holds bar approach and give it all I've got. There are certainly downsides to the progesterone though, like this SUPER CUTE acne I've developed. I had beautiful (pasty) skin as a teenager and suddenly I'm a hormone infested twenty-something with acne. A little positive note about that is the fact that my patients think I'm younger than 26 & today two different high school students thought I was a student as well. Acne FTW! I'm also mind-blowingly moody, but that isn't much of an outlier from my normal. I've done a significan amount of crying, especially work-related crying, and have even thrown a few temper tantrums. All for the pursuit of a little one who will own me when it comes to crying & tantrums!!
The most significant and positive outcome of progesterone is that I finally had a cycle!! YES! How many women do you know that are excited about that? I am thrilled! And so is everyone I've told. It's amazing how many people have shown up in support of us & who feel comfortable enough to discuss this with me. Just last Friday at a football game my dear father-in-law (father of 2 men, likely not interested in my gynecological pursuits) asked if I was ovulating! Haha! If you knew him you just laughed out loud with me. It cracked me up & touched my heart simultaneously. I may or may not be tearing up just thinking about it, but I'm a hormonal wreck so I'm allowed to do that.
Now, since Saturday evening, I've been taking Femara 2.5mg. This is the magic little pill that will hopefully stimulate my tiny ovaries & provide us with 1/2 of Baby Lipsey's DNA. Please, Lord, let this work! I'll be taking it through Wednesday evening & will begin ovulation tests on Thursday morning in addition to cervical fluid and basal body temperature monitoring in an attempt to pinpoint ovulation. The Femara has caused me no nasty side effects thus far. I was told I may have hot flashes, dizziness, and worsening mood swings, but fortunately I've been fine. I pray I continue to be side effect free, but if it will bring me a child I'll take all the hot flashes, dizzy spells, tears, anger and acne I can get it! Bring it on endocrine system, I never really liked you anyway!
For further assistance, I also purchased a delightful product from Walgreen's called PreSeed. I cannot stop laughing about it which may prove I'm an adolescent at heart myself, but the whole thing just sounds ridiculous. This is supposed to enhance sperm motility and if it doesn't help you get that big fat positive there's a money back guarantee! I figured it couldn't hurt, but it was a little bit embarassing to purchase. The box says, "Seriously fun baby making!" in big, bold letters. It felt like the box literally shouted, "Attention Walgreens Shoppers, I'm engaging in coitus to make a baby and I would love for everyone to know that!" I suppose that's essentially what I'm doing by posting my story on a public forum, but at least you can't see my face while I'm sharing the ins and outs of my reproductive organs.
Anyway, that's where we stand. I've had many of my infertility sisters (and yes, I consider them sisters we're in an unseen battle together) receive devastating news this week & it is so hard to see people I love so much in pain. We know that God has a plan & that He works for OUR good, but it is so difficult to watch. I ask that you continue to pray for me & these beautiful people touched by this hardship.
And lastly a big, whopping THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for loving us through this, for praying with us and for the countless emails, texts, and facebook messages I've received since I first spoke of this. Your support means the world to us & I have never felt more loved in my life.
Still loving someone who doesn't yet exist,
Hannah
Progesterone kicks Zzzquil's butt! Where was this stuff when I was trying to sleep all day & survive night shift?!? Best sleep I've had in years. And sexy dreams to boot! Nothing about this journey is really appropriate for sharing, I'm talking about my reproductive organs after all, so I figured I'd take a no holds bar approach and give it all I've got. There are certainly downsides to the progesterone though, like this SUPER CUTE acne I've developed. I had beautiful (pasty) skin as a teenager and suddenly I'm a hormone infested twenty-something with acne. A little positive note about that is the fact that my patients think I'm younger than 26 & today two different high school students thought I was a student as well. Acne FTW! I'm also mind-blowingly moody, but that isn't much of an outlier from my normal. I've done a significan amount of crying, especially work-related crying, and have even thrown a few temper tantrums. All for the pursuit of a little one who will own me when it comes to crying & tantrums!!
The most significant and positive outcome of progesterone is that I finally had a cycle!! YES! How many women do you know that are excited about that? I am thrilled! And so is everyone I've told. It's amazing how many people have shown up in support of us & who feel comfortable enough to discuss this with me. Just last Friday at a football game my dear father-in-law (father of 2 men, likely not interested in my gynecological pursuits) asked if I was ovulating! Haha! If you knew him you just laughed out loud with me. It cracked me up & touched my heart simultaneously. I may or may not be tearing up just thinking about it, but I'm a hormonal wreck so I'm allowed to do that.
Now, since Saturday evening, I've been taking Femara 2.5mg. This is the magic little pill that will hopefully stimulate my tiny ovaries & provide us with 1/2 of Baby Lipsey's DNA. Please, Lord, let this work! I'll be taking it through Wednesday evening & will begin ovulation tests on Thursday morning in addition to cervical fluid and basal body temperature monitoring in an attempt to pinpoint ovulation. The Femara has caused me no nasty side effects thus far. I was told I may have hot flashes, dizziness, and worsening mood swings, but fortunately I've been fine. I pray I continue to be side effect free, but if it will bring me a child I'll take all the hot flashes, dizzy spells, tears, anger and acne I can get it! Bring it on endocrine system, I never really liked you anyway!
For further assistance, I also purchased a delightful product from Walgreen's called PreSeed. I cannot stop laughing about it which may prove I'm an adolescent at heart myself, but the whole thing just sounds ridiculous. This is supposed to enhance sperm motility and if it doesn't help you get that big fat positive there's a money back guarantee! I figured it couldn't hurt, but it was a little bit embarassing to purchase. The box says, "Seriously fun baby making!" in big, bold letters. It felt like the box literally shouted, "Attention Walgreens Shoppers, I'm engaging in coitus to make a baby and I would love for everyone to know that!" I suppose that's essentially what I'm doing by posting my story on a public forum, but at least you can't see my face while I'm sharing the ins and outs of my reproductive organs.
Anyway, that's where we stand. I've had many of my infertility sisters (and yes, I consider them sisters we're in an unseen battle together) receive devastating news this week & it is so hard to see people I love so much in pain. We know that God has a plan & that He works for OUR good, but it is so difficult to watch. I ask that you continue to pray for me & these beautiful people touched by this hardship.
And lastly a big, whopping THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for loving us through this, for praying with us and for the countless emails, texts, and facebook messages I've received since I first spoke of this. Your support means the world to us & I have never felt more loved in my life.
Still loving someone who doesn't yet exist,
Hannah
Friday, November 1, 2013
Here Goes Progesterone!
Dear Baby Lipsey,
Its your mom here. It's Georgia/Florida weekend, which will one day be a big deal for you, but this GA/FL weekend is a big deal around here for another reason entirely. Today we finally, officially begin taking steps to bring you into the world. Today your crazy mama (it's best you know I'm crazy from the beginning, you'll still have to listen to me & do what I say anyway) starts taking progesterone! I'll spare you the details on what this will do to my body (I'm going to avoid discussing the birds and the bees with you until the last possible second), but these are the pills I get to take right before I start taking the magic pills that will help me bring you into the world! I am so excited I almost couldn't wait until today to start taking them!
This week I've been really buckling down on things I can do to get you here. I'm taking some delicious gummy vitamins, and because I've realized how good they taste I promise to always buy you gummies and not the disgusting, chalky Flintstones vitamins that your strange Aunt Tab always ate when we were kids. Those things are awful and I'll spare you that injustice if I'm able. I've also been charting my temperature and other things that will help me track my cycles and help me to know when you'll be on your way. Again, I'll spare you the details until you're significantly older and won't be completely freaked out by them.
We are praying so hard for you still, just like we have been all along. I started praying for you when I married your daddy. He laughed when I admitted it for the first time, we were still trying NOT to have you yet at that point, but I have always been praying for you. For your health and for you to grow up as a child of God, knowing how much He loves you. My prayers haven't changed much aside from adding in some begging for you to come along and asking for grace and peace as we wait for you. I pray for your daddy too, because waiting for you is a huge struggle for me and I know he hates watching me cry for you. He's impatient when it comes to waiting for you too, but he's much more laid back and calm than I am. I really, really hope you get his personality...& his looks, he's quite the good looking fellow after all.
Even more than your one-day parents, you have so many people praying for you! You're already a facebook legend I think, and I hope you don't find that (or this blog) too lame when you're old enough to read them. You are loved by so many people who simply cannot wait to meet you.
So here's to you, Baby Lipsey, as I force this huge progesterone pill down my throat and pray that all of this works this time. I know you are worth the wait.
Love,
Your Mama
This letter was proofread & ok'd by your old man (you'll probably call him Daddy) & your Aunt Tab who is excellent at crying & praying with us!
Its your mom here. It's Georgia/Florida weekend, which will one day be a big deal for you, but this GA/FL weekend is a big deal around here for another reason entirely. Today we finally, officially begin taking steps to bring you into the world. Today your crazy mama (it's best you know I'm crazy from the beginning, you'll still have to listen to me & do what I say anyway) starts taking progesterone! I'll spare you the details on what this will do to my body (I'm going to avoid discussing the birds and the bees with you until the last possible second), but these are the pills I get to take right before I start taking the magic pills that will help me bring you into the world! I am so excited I almost couldn't wait until today to start taking them!
This week I've been really buckling down on things I can do to get you here. I'm taking some delicious gummy vitamins, and because I've realized how good they taste I promise to always buy you gummies and not the disgusting, chalky Flintstones vitamins that your strange Aunt Tab always ate when we were kids. Those things are awful and I'll spare you that injustice if I'm able. I've also been charting my temperature and other things that will help me track my cycles and help me to know when you'll be on your way. Again, I'll spare you the details until you're significantly older and won't be completely freaked out by them.
We are praying so hard for you still, just like we have been all along. I started praying for you when I married your daddy. He laughed when I admitted it for the first time, we were still trying NOT to have you yet at that point, but I have always been praying for you. For your health and for you to grow up as a child of God, knowing how much He loves you. My prayers haven't changed much aside from adding in some begging for you to come along and asking for grace and peace as we wait for you. I pray for your daddy too, because waiting for you is a huge struggle for me and I know he hates watching me cry for you. He's impatient when it comes to waiting for you too, but he's much more laid back and calm than I am. I really, really hope you get his personality...& his looks, he's quite the good looking fellow after all.
Even more than your one-day parents, you have so many people praying for you! You're already a facebook legend I think, and I hope you don't find that (or this blog) too lame when you're old enough to read them. You are loved by so many people who simply cannot wait to meet you.
So here's to you, Baby Lipsey, as I force this huge progesterone pill down my throat and pray that all of this works this time. I know you are worth the wait.
Love,
Your Mama
This letter was proofread & ok'd by your old man (you'll probably call him Daddy) & your Aunt Tab who is excellent at crying & praying with us!
 |
| Here we go! |
Thursday, October 24, 2013
So this is our life now.
I've heard that most women have an innate desire to become mothers, and I've found myself to be no different. I've known I wanted to be a mom since I was 2 and my own mother was pregnant with my brother. We were a tight knit pair, and Mom thought nothing of reading our version of "What to Expect" alongside her toddler. When I was 2 1/2 I corrected my teachers in sibling class for using terms like "bag of water" and "cord" instead of amniotic and umbilical. I breastfed all of my baby dolls and even forced my cousins to act out giving birth to their imaginary inbred babies in my Granny's closet. I was fascinated by birth and pregnancy and couldn't wait till May 10, 2001 when I became a mom to a robot baby in the 8th grade. I spent months pouring over baby name books and borrowing baby clothes, and felt myself accomplished when I ended up with the infant programmed to have colic. I entered nursing school with the intent to pursue a career in labor and delivery and was completely devastated when I wasn't given a rotation in L&D during my maternity semester (The Lord is surely sovereign, isn't He?). I spent the first 2 1/2 years of our marriage trying to wear my husband down and get his consent to stop taking the dreaded birth control pills and have a baby of our own. I was convinced it would be easy and would happen with little fuss once those pills were out of my way. In November 2012, he finally agreed; I was going to be a MOM!
Imagine my surprise when everything came to a screeching halt once those pills were out of the equation. I'll spare you the details (ahem, you're welcome) and leave you with the fact that I haven't ovulated in over 6 months. It is 100% impossible (scientifically, anyway) to become pregnant if you have not ovulated (aka released an egg) for sperm to fertilize, thus I am childless.
I have spent hours upon hours doing research independently, and I've literally spent days in my bed sobbing at the thought of my life-long dream being shattered. This has without a doubt been a dark time in my life, and I've been hopeless, scared, bitter, angry, and downright depressed since March.
I have been to the gynecologist 4 times this year and taken well over 10 pregnancy tests "just in case." 3 of 4 of those visits consisted of my doctor informing me that I was stressed and needed to simply "calm down." Stress is NOT a diagnosis and should never be a diagnosis unless tests are performed to ensure there is no other etiology (cause) of illness/dysfunction in the body. Stress can be considered a contributing factor, as in I'm sure my stressful job didn't help me to ovulate, but it isn't a diagnosis. At appointment #3 I finally talked my doctor into 4 blood tests (all were normal), and I was told to return in 4 months. I instead returned in 2 months and saw another doctor, I know my body & I know this isn't normal.
Today I saw that second doctor and today I was asking for your prayers. I asked for your prayer because I simply needed to find someone who would listen and assess me appropriately. As a nurse I serve as my patients' primary advocate every day. I ask doctors for medications for those in pain, for new diets for patients who have been left NPO (nothing by mouth) for no reason, and for catheters when someone can't use the restroom. I am a patient advocate. Because of this I find it especially hurtful and maddening when I can't count on the staff at my doctor's office to do the same when I am the patient. While I attempt to serve as my own advocate I must admit that this is MUCH easier when wearing scrubs and a stethoscope than it is naked from the waste down covered by a paper drape! Today I brought my husband, my greatest advocate, but I was pleasantly surprised that I needed no advocate. My doctor spent 45 minutes with me today, and he listened!!
I still have no diagnosis, but today we established a plan of action. We are starting fertility medication in November. I will be taking progesterone to start a menstrual cycle and Femara to induce ovulation. Aside from a medical standpoint, I will always be using the power of prayer, and that's where you come in...pray with us and for us. This journey is not an easy one and it is not one that I had even considered taking, but here we are. Many couples struggle to survive when fertility brings difficulties, and I know loading up on synthetic hormones and the accompanying mood swings doesn't help. I'm not concerned about my marriage (I don't give Tyler enough credit for the overwhelming amount of love & support he provides me), but I do know how tough this can be. I ask that you join me in prayer for Little Lipsey because I have faith that he or she will exist and will be the most perfect thing I have ever laid my eyes on. I already love Little Lipsey so much I can hardly see straight and he or she is not even a mass of cells yet!!
I also seek prayer for the millions of other women like me out there who are struggling through this season of their lives. I don't know why society keeps infertility swept under the rug, or why it seems we're not supposed to talk about it. Infertility is a disease like any other, and can be as devastating as any other diagnosis one may receive. So talk about it! I don't intend to keep quiet (I hope this is painfully obvious by now), and I hope that at least in my little corner of the world we can begin to view infertility as something that is less taboo and more worthy of discussion.
I believe that's it for now. Thank you for your support and your prayers on our journey to parenthood!
XOXO,
Hannah
"In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. And she made a vow, saying, "O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head." 1 Samuel 1:10-11
Imagine my surprise when everything came to a screeching halt once those pills were out of the equation. I'll spare you the details (ahem, you're welcome) and leave you with the fact that I haven't ovulated in over 6 months. It is 100% impossible (scientifically, anyway) to become pregnant if you have not ovulated (aka released an egg) for sperm to fertilize, thus I am childless.
I have spent hours upon hours doing research independently, and I've literally spent days in my bed sobbing at the thought of my life-long dream being shattered. This has without a doubt been a dark time in my life, and I've been hopeless, scared, bitter, angry, and downright depressed since March.
I have been to the gynecologist 4 times this year and taken well over 10 pregnancy tests "just in case." 3 of 4 of those visits consisted of my doctor informing me that I was stressed and needed to simply "calm down." Stress is NOT a diagnosis and should never be a diagnosis unless tests are performed to ensure there is no other etiology (cause) of illness/dysfunction in the body. Stress can be considered a contributing factor, as in I'm sure my stressful job didn't help me to ovulate, but it isn't a diagnosis. At appointment #3 I finally talked my doctor into 4 blood tests (all were normal), and I was told to return in 4 months. I instead returned in 2 months and saw another doctor, I know my body & I know this isn't normal.
Today I saw that second doctor and today I was asking for your prayers. I asked for your prayer because I simply needed to find someone who would listen and assess me appropriately. As a nurse I serve as my patients' primary advocate every day. I ask doctors for medications for those in pain, for new diets for patients who have been left NPO (nothing by mouth) for no reason, and for catheters when someone can't use the restroom. I am a patient advocate. Because of this I find it especially hurtful and maddening when I can't count on the staff at my doctor's office to do the same when I am the patient. While I attempt to serve as my own advocate I must admit that this is MUCH easier when wearing scrubs and a stethoscope than it is naked from the waste down covered by a paper drape! Today I brought my husband, my greatest advocate, but I was pleasantly surprised that I needed no advocate. My doctor spent 45 minutes with me today, and he listened!!
I still have no diagnosis, but today we established a plan of action. We are starting fertility medication in November. I will be taking progesterone to start a menstrual cycle and Femara to induce ovulation. Aside from a medical standpoint, I will always be using the power of prayer, and that's where you come in...pray with us and for us. This journey is not an easy one and it is not one that I had even considered taking, but here we are. Many couples struggle to survive when fertility brings difficulties, and I know loading up on synthetic hormones and the accompanying mood swings doesn't help. I'm not concerned about my marriage (I don't give Tyler enough credit for the overwhelming amount of love & support he provides me), but I do know how tough this can be. I ask that you join me in prayer for Little Lipsey because I have faith that he or she will exist and will be the most perfect thing I have ever laid my eyes on. I already love Little Lipsey so much I can hardly see straight and he or she is not even a mass of cells yet!!
I also seek prayer for the millions of other women like me out there who are struggling through this season of their lives. I don't know why society keeps infertility swept under the rug, or why it seems we're not supposed to talk about it. Infertility is a disease like any other, and can be as devastating as any other diagnosis one may receive. So talk about it! I don't intend to keep quiet (I hope this is painfully obvious by now), and I hope that at least in my little corner of the world we can begin to view infertility as something that is less taboo and more worthy of discussion.
I believe that's it for now. Thank you for your support and your prayers on our journey to parenthood!
XOXO,
Hannah
"In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. And she made a vow, saying, "O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head." 1 Samuel 1:10-11
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Things You Should Know Before Becoming a Student Nurse
Well, I haven't blogged in well over a year. I left you with all the enthusiasm a little student nurse could muster for her first clinical orientation. What I failed to do was follow-up with how terribly disappointing that orientation and the 3 days of clinicals that followed were. To say the least, that student nurse knew she wasn't bound for the nursing home...she thought she wanted to work in labor & delivery, and she knew she would not end up in the emergency room. She is now a registered nurse in an emergency room. My how things change.
I feel like I have SO much to blog about now that I'm on this side of nursing school and finally working, but after much (ok only a tiny bit when I woke up bleary-eyed at 0630 this morning) thought, I find it important to warn all the future nursing students and nurses-to-be out there, exactly what they're getting into. Therefore I bring you, the top 10 things you should know prior to becoming a student nurse:
1. You don't want to attend the school that allowed me to give myself my nursing degree. Yes, you read that right. Aside from skills, no one really taught me anything, so I read the books and studied and taught it all to myself. I feel like my personal blog may be an inappropriate place to discuss my complete disappointment with the school that I attended, so I have taken to writing letters to school officials instead. It won't do a lick of good, but I'll get to say my piece and it'll make me feel an ounce better. If you're curious about any of this you can let me know and I'll forward the letter I wrote along, which should explain everything.
2. Your life is about to be over for awhile. And I don't just mean while you're in school. I lost 1 1/2 years of husband-time I can never get back only to sign on for a 7p-7a shift which takes me away from him even more than school did. I love my job, but I love my husband more, and I miss that joker. For example I've had to pee for like 20 minutes, but I continue to lie in bed while he sleeps because I never get to do that anymore. Also he just kicked me. All to say your social life must end and your school life must become a priority. It is insanely time consuming, but if you're committed you'll make it through.
3. You're going to get fat. Nursing school is full of snack cakes, eating out, and hospital cafeteria food, not to mention the occasional all-night study session which requires a year's supply of coffee and doughnuts to stay awake through. On this side of nursing school, I flutter between 10 and 15 pounds more than I started. Ouch. Also your elastic-waist scrubs trick you into thinking you haven't gained all that weight because they still fit. Scrubs are a comfy pack of lies. Scrubs are awesome.
4. Scrubs are awesome. I absolutely can't say this enough. Not only are they insanely comfy, scrubs make other people think you are a totally legit medical professional who may one day save their lives, so they are nicer to you. They open doors for you, smile at you more, and almost everyone speaks to a lady in scrubs as if they think that, "Hi, how are you?" will you cause you to remember their faces and work a little harder when you're doing compressions on their chest someday. Scrubs are awesome.
5. Nursing students make everything inappropriate. It's a coping mechanism. In order to get through the long days talking about poo, snot, herpes, and the ever-present thought of the dying, we develop a twisted sense of humor which can turn a bed sore into a laugh. Actually that's a lie, a bed sore is never, ever a laughing matter. Most of the inappropriateness comes back to things that are sexual in nature (I never participated in these discussions, Mom, it was always everyone else), mostly because other nurses are the only people you feel comfortable asking, "was THAT normal??" As a general rule, the more perverse a pnemonic device, the easier it is to remember.
6. Nursing students do the grunt work. No one has ever said, "I can't wait to become a nurse so I can do bed baths and wipe booty," but that's exactly what the vast majority of your clinical days will consist of. We were told it was a contract between the nursing school and the clinical hospital that we used, but we spent much more time cleaning folks up than practicing the skills we would one day use to care for them. After awhile we got it down to a tag-team art where we would help each other complete baths, then go beg the nurses on the floor for any of the procedural things to be done that day. *It should be noted that I do consider bathing and booty wiping to be an integral part of patient care, and I don't begrudge doing it, however I bathe and booty wipe myself on the regular, and could've used that time gaining powerful skill practice*
7. All nurses are psych nurses. As a self-proclaimed crazy person, I was never the student who said, "I don't do crazies," which was a good thing because: A. that's super rude, insensitive, and inappropriate, and B. so-called crazy people (you know, like me) are everywhere. You will not only run into schizophrenic, bipolar, anxious patients within mental health facilities, you will have them in hospitals, nursing homes, private practices, and even as the school nurse. You WILL deal with mental health patients, at least once per day. So suck it up, buttercup, and learn how to use therapeutic communication, distraction, and just good old fashioned care for all kinds of people. It is now a part of your job description.
8. You will not feel prepared when pinning day comes around. It wouldn't matter if nursing school lasted 10 years instead of 2ish, there is no guarantee that you will do every skill with every type of patient prior to graduation. You will feel pretty darn good about giving injections and taking urine specimens, as well as the tried-and-true bed bath, but that's about it. When I graduated a month ago tomorrow, I had never inserted a female catheter, put in an NG tube, or successfully started an IV. I had never touched a child as a patient (*aside: ALWAYS check the pediatric program your school offers BEFORE you agree to attend) and I had never seen CPR on a person who wasn't made of plastic and foam. In one month of work I have gained experience with all of these things, but not without feeling like I needed to be wearing an adult diaper myself to get through it. It IS scary, but so much of nursing comes with experience, so try your best to let go of that Type A-Nurse personality and accept that you will NOT do it all perfectly when you first get out of school. In fact you will probably never do it perfectly.
9. Nursing is a sisterhood (and also a brotherhood for all the boys out there). When I started nursing school I was a competitive loser who wasn't going to let anybody get in the way of my graduation or 4.0. "Hilarious," said God, and he introduced me to Melinda, Ashley, Kaitlin, Taylor, Nicole, Brande, and Katrina, who became some of my best friends, and favorite people in the world. We lost a few along the way, but these ladies became my sisters, and surely the shoulders upon which I leaned. We started as classmates who annoyed each other (some have mentioned I had a touch of Type A Personality Disorder when we started, but that person is a bit of a narcissist anyway :)) and ended up as unexpected family members who consult each other on study help as well as, "OMG my poop was stage 2 today, what do you think that was?" We shared laughter, tears, and many an episode of Grey's Anatomy during this time, and I thank God EVERY DAY for bringing them into my life. We may not have been award winners to everybody else at pinning (!!) but we were to each other, and that's all that really matters to me.
10. You CAN do it. You just have to remind yourself every. single. day. So much of nursing is born in you (you can't teach compassion after all), and school work and skills are just details. It is hard, crazy hard, but if you cling tight to God and those who love you, you'll make it out on the other side like I did. And you'll feel like a rock star...until your first shift as a real nurse when you almost pee your pants at least 12 times then go home and wonder if you'll ever catch up to your preceptor. But you will, and it will be worth it.
The hubby is stirring so it's time for car shopping and spending the day together, but it's good to be back to the blog.
XOXO,
Hannah
I feel like I have SO much to blog about now that I'm on this side of nursing school and finally working, but after much (ok only a tiny bit when I woke up bleary-eyed at 0630 this morning) thought, I find it important to warn all the future nursing students and nurses-to-be out there, exactly what they're getting into. Therefore I bring you, the top 10 things you should know prior to becoming a student nurse:
1. You don't want to attend the school that allowed me to give myself my nursing degree. Yes, you read that right. Aside from skills, no one really taught me anything, so I read the books and studied and taught it all to myself. I feel like my personal blog may be an inappropriate place to discuss my complete disappointment with the school that I attended, so I have taken to writing letters to school officials instead. It won't do a lick of good, but I'll get to say my piece and it'll make me feel an ounce better. If you're curious about any of this you can let me know and I'll forward the letter I wrote along, which should explain everything.
2. Your life is about to be over for awhile. And I don't just mean while you're in school. I lost 1 1/2 years of husband-time I can never get back only to sign on for a 7p-7a shift which takes me away from him even more than school did. I love my job, but I love my husband more, and I miss that joker. For example I've had to pee for like 20 minutes, but I continue to lie in bed while he sleeps because I never get to do that anymore. Also he just kicked me. All to say your social life must end and your school life must become a priority. It is insanely time consuming, but if you're committed you'll make it through.
3. You're going to get fat. Nursing school is full of snack cakes, eating out, and hospital cafeteria food, not to mention the occasional all-night study session which requires a year's supply of coffee and doughnuts to stay awake through. On this side of nursing school, I flutter between 10 and 15 pounds more than I started. Ouch. Also your elastic-waist scrubs trick you into thinking you haven't gained all that weight because they still fit. Scrubs are a comfy pack of lies. Scrubs are awesome.
4. Scrubs are awesome. I absolutely can't say this enough. Not only are they insanely comfy, scrubs make other people think you are a totally legit medical professional who may one day save their lives, so they are nicer to you. They open doors for you, smile at you more, and almost everyone speaks to a lady in scrubs as if they think that, "Hi, how are you?" will you cause you to remember their faces and work a little harder when you're doing compressions on their chest someday. Scrubs are awesome.
5. Nursing students make everything inappropriate. It's a coping mechanism. In order to get through the long days talking about poo, snot, herpes, and the ever-present thought of the dying, we develop a twisted sense of humor which can turn a bed sore into a laugh. Actually that's a lie, a bed sore is never, ever a laughing matter. Most of the inappropriateness comes back to things that are sexual in nature (I never participated in these discussions, Mom, it was always everyone else), mostly because other nurses are the only people you feel comfortable asking, "was THAT normal??" As a general rule, the more perverse a pnemonic device, the easier it is to remember.
6. Nursing students do the grunt work. No one has ever said, "I can't wait to become a nurse so I can do bed baths and wipe booty," but that's exactly what the vast majority of your clinical days will consist of. We were told it was a contract between the nursing school and the clinical hospital that we used, but we spent much more time cleaning folks up than practicing the skills we would one day use to care for them. After awhile we got it down to a tag-team art where we would help each other complete baths, then go beg the nurses on the floor for any of the procedural things to be done that day. *It should be noted that I do consider bathing and booty wiping to be an integral part of patient care, and I don't begrudge doing it, however I bathe and booty wipe myself on the regular, and could've used that time gaining powerful skill practice*
7. All nurses are psych nurses. As a self-proclaimed crazy person, I was never the student who said, "I don't do crazies," which was a good thing because: A. that's super rude, insensitive, and inappropriate, and B. so-called crazy people (you know, like me) are everywhere. You will not only run into schizophrenic, bipolar, anxious patients within mental health facilities, you will have them in hospitals, nursing homes, private practices, and even as the school nurse. You WILL deal with mental health patients, at least once per day. So suck it up, buttercup, and learn how to use therapeutic communication, distraction, and just good old fashioned care for all kinds of people. It is now a part of your job description.
8. You will not feel prepared when pinning day comes around. It wouldn't matter if nursing school lasted 10 years instead of 2ish, there is no guarantee that you will do every skill with every type of patient prior to graduation. You will feel pretty darn good about giving injections and taking urine specimens, as well as the tried-and-true bed bath, but that's about it. When I graduated a month ago tomorrow, I had never inserted a female catheter, put in an NG tube, or successfully started an IV. I had never touched a child as a patient (*aside: ALWAYS check the pediatric program your school offers BEFORE you agree to attend) and I had never seen CPR on a person who wasn't made of plastic and foam. In one month of work I have gained experience with all of these things, but not without feeling like I needed to be wearing an adult diaper myself to get through it. It IS scary, but so much of nursing comes with experience, so try your best to let go of that Type A-Nurse personality and accept that you will NOT do it all perfectly when you first get out of school. In fact you will probably never do it perfectly.
9. Nursing is a sisterhood (and also a brotherhood for all the boys out there). When I started nursing school I was a competitive loser who wasn't going to let anybody get in the way of my graduation or 4.0. "Hilarious," said God, and he introduced me to Melinda, Ashley, Kaitlin, Taylor, Nicole, Brande, and Katrina, who became some of my best friends, and favorite people in the world. We lost a few along the way, but these ladies became my sisters, and surely the shoulders upon which I leaned. We started as classmates who annoyed each other (some have mentioned I had a touch of Type A Personality Disorder when we started, but that person is a bit of a narcissist anyway :)) and ended up as unexpected family members who consult each other on study help as well as, "OMG my poop was stage 2 today, what do you think that was?" We shared laughter, tears, and many an episode of Grey's Anatomy during this time, and I thank God EVERY DAY for bringing them into my life. We may not have been award winners to everybody else at pinning (!!) but we were to each other, and that's all that really matters to me.
10. You CAN do it. You just have to remind yourself every. single. day. So much of nursing is born in you (you can't teach compassion after all), and school work and skills are just details. It is hard, crazy hard, but if you cling tight to God and those who love you, you'll make it out on the other side like I did. And you'll feel like a rock star...until your first shift as a real nurse when you almost pee your pants at least 12 times then go home and wonder if you'll ever catch up to your preceptor. But you will, and it will be worth it.
The hubby is stirring so it's time for car shopping and spending the day together, but it's good to be back to the blog.
XOXO,
Hannah
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