Mama

Dear Jonas,

You, dear boy, are so much like your mama it's scary. Always with a flair for the dramatic, you first said "mama," two days ago on mothers day. You turned me straight into hormonal mush. You won't remember it because you're just over 7 months old right now, but because you said that sweet little word I've longed to hear for ages, you earned yourself a later bedtime & an episode of your favorite show--Mickey Mouse clubhouse. Not to mention many of your mama's tears, because I couldn't keep it together.

Today you've said my favorite name, Mama, so many times I can't even relax to go to sleep. I hear your sweet voice saying (and sometimes screaming) it over and over. Such music to my ears! Today I've struggled to leave you even for a second because when I do you cry out to me, searching for your Mama when I leave your sight. It took me 30 minutes to simply make it to the restroom.
I'm writing this for a few reasons, the first so that you know just how special & loved you are, but the second to tell you that I hope you never forget you can cry out for me, your Mama, always and I will be here.

Society is fickle and often dictates that men and boys be masculine; that you hide your emotions, don't cry, and never be seen as a "Mama's boy." Society is stupid (bad word alert), son. While I hope to teach you to grow and become independent and live life however you dream it, I want you to know that it's ok to laugh, to get mad (you already do this, you are my child after all), and to cry. And it's always, always ok to want your Mama. I pray that I am home to you no matter where you are. I will ALWAYS be your safe haven, your confidant and your biggest fan. Though it's my job to discipline you, I promise to do it out of love because your Mama has your best interest at heart. I love you more than I can put into words.

I think it's easy to have dreams and make plans for your children when they're young. I pray that I never make you feel that you have to fulfill any dreams I have for you, because I will be proud of you regardless. I would love for you to go to college and I'll admit that I have beautiful visions of you and I dancing to My Funny Valentine at your wedding one day, but you are not obligated to achieve the things I've dreamt of for you. Whether you do or do not, I'm here for you & you can always come running into your Mama's arms.

Whether you're 12 or 25, love women or love men, graduate college or drop out of high school, vote republican or democrat, know that you can always cry out for your Mama and I will always come.

You are my world, Jonas Paul, and I pray that you never forget to call your Mama.

I love you,
Mama