Yes it's breast cancer awareness month

...but it's also domestic violence awareness month and I wish we hyped it as much. Instead, we tend to brush it under the rug and look at it as a topic that should be taken care of within the privacy of the home...like it's nobody else's business. But people don't "just know" about the warning signs of domestic violence. We don't teach them at school or pass out brochures and we certainly don't just talk about it among friends. It's a hush-hush topic and we all assume that if somebody's being abused they'll know it and run off and get help. That is rarely, if ever, the case.

I've shared my story before so I won't go into the lengthy description of what constitutes an abusive boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/significant other/lover/yougetthepoint. What I'll get into is that I had no idea that my ex-boyfriend was abusing me. None. He didn't hit me (when I first figured it out) and he didn't force me to have sex with him (quite the opposite, but that's neither here nor there), so I assumed everything was normal...or normal enough anyway.

By the grace of God I found myself trying to switch majors (for the 6th or 7th time), and ended up in 2 summer classes: Women's Health Issues and Psychology of Women. Coincidentally/by the grace of God (again), both were covering abuse issues at the same time. While in Women's Health my teacher put up a list similar to this one: list of abuse warning signs (scroll down the warning signs are about 1/4 of the way down the page) and I shook my head in horror as I realized I could say yes to nearly every single item on the list. Yes, I was scared of him. Yes, I was numb as all get out (I didn't cry for almost a year during and after this abuse/relationship). Yes, I felt like it was my fault. Yes, he threatened to out himself if I left. Yes, I was constantly humiliated. YES YES YES.  There were tears in my eyes and I knew I was in an abusive relationship...but what now?

I reached out to my psych teacher asking her how someone would get out of a relationship like this one and if that person could ever recover, but she never responded. I continued to be lost.

I went on to stay with him for 3 more long months, after which he stalked me and refused to go away, tricked those who were close to me and got them to tell him where I was. I went into hiding and stayed with a dear friend who eventually helped me to feel safe.

Healing was hard, but figuring it all out and piecing it together was harder. I had no clue this was happening to me. So, in honor of domestic violence awareness month, tell somebody. Write a blog post. Put the link on facebook. Send it out to everybody in your address book. Do whatever you have to do because you could save somebody's life.

I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't taken the class that opened my eyes to the scary life I'd been living. So share it. Talk about it. Somebody needs you. Save them from the giant, empty pit of absolute hopelessness they're living in.

XOXO,
Hannah

**Disclaimer: Please do not walk up to your friend and start shouting in their face that you know their significant other is abusing them. People do not take this well and they could go home and tell him/her, which could make the situation worse. No one is going to leave because you think they should, trust me on that, all you can do is give them the resources that will open their own eyes so they can make this important decision for themselves. Prayer goes a looooong way too, just ask my friend Tiffany who spent many nights praying for and with me.