Caught Me Off-Guard Again

Last Tuesday I had my awesome doctor's appointment, which ended with a promise to call with lab results and a follow up appointment. I paced around and waited as long as I could, but I finally broke down to call the office today. I was completely unconcerned...I have beautiful ovaries, a nice healthy-looking uterus, and no red flags pointing to thyroid problems. Healthy lady parts all around.

The nurse I spoke to was beyond nice (is this an inappropriate time to say, "hire me please?!") and started off with, "Well your prolactin levels and TSH levels are great, but..." WHAT?! There's a but? But I'm healthy? But I'm fine and everything LOOKS fine?! "But your LH and FSH ratio shows that you have polycystic ovarian syndrome."

Ever feel like you've been socked in the gut by words alone?

The strangest part was that this was the diagnosis I had been expecting all along. I had imagined myself feeling great relief with this diagnosis because we would finally have something to treat. But here I was sitting in bed with Harry Potter in hand trying not to cry. WHERE'S YOUR SPELL FOR FERTILITY, POTTER?! I kept it together long enough to make a follow up (1/30 at 1:30, easy to remember), then I hung up and felt sorry for myself. That soon gave way to pure teeth-baring anger.

Last March I had 4 labs drawn by GYN #2. Had she drawn one more lab at that time she'd have seen my LH/FSH ratio indicated PCOS and I would've been diagnosed then. I could have a baby in my arms or in my uterus right now, and that makes me red-hot with fury.

I've had a good cry and done some research, and now we're back to the waiting game. I know it's all in God's plan and my gift will come in HIS time, but the waiting is so hard. Restore me, Lord, and help me to see this as a leap forward instead of focusing so hard on the past.

Thanks, as always, for your support. And HUGE thanks to my pregnant best friend for being ready to kick GYN #2's butt, and to my friend Ashley for walking this journey and picking me up off the floor today. I love you all. Now bear with me as I overwhelm your news and pinterest feeds with PCOS information.

Let the PCOS games begin,
Hannah