The Perks of Being an Infertile

Much to my mother's chagrin, I am oftentimes a Negative Nancy. I will never say this is my best trait (that would go against Negative Nancy's M.O. after all), but it is what it is and sometimes I try to work on it. Because of that, I give you a very satirical, though somewhat factual, list of reasons that being an infertile is an ok way to be.

1. The obvious, I don't have a menstrual cycle. While this isn't the case for every infertile it is my cross to bear and I don't mind that part too much. I'm not messy, I can adequately do my job without bathroom-breaking every hour, and I'm not spending money on "feminine hygiene products." It ain't so bad. No gross surprises in the middle of the night and my cute little undies are not ruined. Amenorrhea FTW!

2. Guilt-free Wine Wednesday. I've never been a heavy drinker, but recently I have found that I like wine quite a lot. When I first met my inner Wino I used to take a pregnancy test every time I wanted to have a glass (yes this is 100% absurd) to make sure I wasn't going to give my precious [imaginary] miracle fetal alcohol syndrome. This was dangerous as the inevitable negative pee stick always led me to having "just one more glass," and going into diva monologues about my broken uterus to anyone who would listen. It was destructive. Now that I know I don't ovulate and cannot get pregnant I can guiltlessly binge drink to my heart's content. I'm kidding about the binging part, please don't call anyone who may think I have a problem and report me to social services or something scarier that would breathalyze me and try to keep me from ever reproducing or holding a job. I've only purchased two bottles of wine in my life and may have a glass every two months or so! But that one glass is guilt-free and I like it that way! Cheers!

3. I am a walking Pregnancy Confessional.  Due to my vulnerable state and ever-pressing desire to procreate, I am often the second or third person (after the signficant other who donated the X or Y chromosome) to learn a friend is pregnant. I'm currently keeping 4 pregnancies secret! This is awesome sheerly because it makes me feel important, and it means a lot that my friends love me enough to delicately announce a pregnancy to me first so I can process it before the general public (circle of friends/co-workers/family) knows. I am allowed the opportunity to react privately, sometimes with tears and other times with hoots and hollers (!), before I have to put my game face on in front of other people. I am wildly grateful for this opportunity because I NEVER know how I'll react to this news. There are an infinite number of emotions that come along with being the bearer of the defective ovaries.

4. I can Ride all of the Roller Coasters. I love roller coasters! And Tyler & I are planning a trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter sometime in early spring, so I would hate to have to say no to the fun things because I was making a miracle (aside: I really wouldn't hate to say no because of the miracle manufacturing in my womb).

5. I can Spend my Money on Nonsense. Though I've never been too materialistic it's nice to be able to buy whatever I want without having to worry about diapers or what little precious Tyler Jr. might want. Ridiculous character socks, Long Island Medium book, the most expensive work scrubs the store had to offer...totally fine because why not! I don't have any tiny mouths to feed or tiny butts to keep covered, so I might as well indulge myself while I can. Even though the little Lipsey has caused me to spend money on many a doctor's visit co-pay, basal thermometers for days, multiple multi-vitamins, special lubricant and the list goes on, at least I can do so!

6. I've got an awesome Community of Infertile Sisters. I call them sisters because that's who they've become since I started sharing our journey. We support each other and relate to each other in the most painful of ways, but I think that's what bonds us further. I could never express how much I appreciate having people to share every fickle emotion with, without feeling judged for my jealousy/rage/sorrow/guilt/etc. Though I wouldn't wish this pain on my greatest enemy, I will be eternally grateful for the close friendships and bonds it has brought my way.

And a very important honorable mention: There are No Elves on my Shelves!

That's all I got, but it softens the blow a bit. If you have more to add, please comment & do so! I can always use a reason to laugh.

XOXO,
Hannah

Won't we make adorable parents?

*Photo credit to Knapp Photography from my cousin's adorable Movember wedding! (see what I did there?)*