The Year of the Baby!

That title may or may not prove to be true, but I'm going to hope with all I've got that we'll laugh on this post & call me a prophet by December.

You guys sure know how to make a lady feel special. I've had SO many people ask me how I'm doing since I haven't been blogging about my fertility adventures and I'm feeling so loved these days! The truth is, my fertility adventures are not the least bit adventurous at present, but I have a reason for that and of course I'm going to share it with you.

First, some background (I feel like I start every blog with a bit of background knowledge, but since my blogs are kind of miniature life reviews I don't really have a choice). Approximately 30 days ago a wonderful, beautiful woman of God I work with, let's call her Felicia for the sake of the blog, pulled me aside for a quick heart to heart in the middle of the work day. Felicia encouraged me (in words much more eloquent than I can remember a month later) to be still and let God be God. To take 30 days and put my focus on Him instead of on my empty womb and malfunctioning ovaries, and to simply have faith. She also mentioned (again, more eloquently than I) that faith without works is dead, and I should continue with my fertility treatments and doctors visits, but try to remove it from the forefront of every thought I have and put my trust in Him. She also encouraged me not to post about it all the time via facebook, twitter, instagram and blogger--I'm a social media junky, don't tell anyone.

I'll admit I was taken aback. Didn't everybody WANT to hear about my journey? I realize how self-centered this sounds, but I've been getting great feedback and overwhelming support, and I just didn't want to. Teary-eyed I thanked her for her honesty and for having the courage to call me out--aren't I blessed to have people like Felicia who speak truth in my life out of love? It meant a lot to me, but it was hard...until it became easier. I believe I've been happier this past month, and though I feel it may also be related to the holiday season, I have been happier. I won't say I've removed baby-thinking altogether, I'm still wildly obsessed with the make-believe child I hope to have to love one day,  but I've been able to focus on other things as well. It's truly been really nice.

THANK YOU FELICIA!!

I haven't experienced any parenting-related miracles during my 30-day hiatus, but I have found renewed strength, comfort, and faith, and that has made such a difference. Baby or none, I am BLESSED. I am also back in 2014 to update you with a happy heart and much less grief than I had when I wrote last.

So here's where we are...after my 22 day menstrual cycle I had NO IDEA when I should be expecting another cycle to begin. I've also been having some right lower quadrant/pelvic pain intermittently, which leaves me hesitant to jump back on the hormone bandwagon, so I'm medication-free for the moment. Since nobody down here in Thomasville wants to give me an ultrasound or do more lab work I'm headed back to Chatsworth to see my first gynecologist ever January 14th for a 3rd opinion. 3rd times the charm, right? I've never trusted another gynecologist like I have this doctor anyway, and it certainly puts me at ease that she prays at the beginning of every appointment. I had always envisioned her delivering my child anyhow (I would love my child to be received into this world by hands who had prayed for him/her), so we might as well start making the trek to see her for my women's health needs now. I'm excited! I have faith in this doctor and I have SEEN her advocate for her patients (nursing friends: she put a foley in my mom after her hysterectomy herself! I have NEVER before seen a doctor insert a foley at bedside for a non-urology patient), so I know she will advocate for me and find out what is wrong.

So that's where we are. Not really square one, but not really making any progress either. Our time is coming, though, and I believe this is our year! I have hope again, and it feels awesome.

Thank you for loving me through this, I could not be more blessed with family and friends and relentless prayer. God bless you all.

XOXO,
Hannah