Wading Through the Unexpected.

I typically don't blog three times in one week let alone three days in a row, but I've had something heavy on my heart ALL day and my fingers were yearning for the keyboard.

Here lately I've been hearing A LOT about the unexpected circumstances we humans encounter. To be more specific, sick babies. You don't have to look hard on facebook to find a page with somebody's updates for their sick infant/toddler/teenager/etc, and I suppose it seems more prevalent because we're suddenly more inclined to talk about it. Don't get me wrong, I think this is great. Our burdens are much lighter when we share them with people we love, and lighter still when we involve the public and split the load even further. I do it everyday when I share this blog! It helps to know that someone is in your corner--even if they're just nosey.

So this one is for you, mommys of sick kids, kids with congenital disorders, kids with extra chromosomes, and kids we just can't seem to communicate with, I am in your corner (May I also add that I make an excellent CPR certified free baby-sitter? Too much?).

Sometimes we don't exactly get what we bargained for. If I were a preacher in a pulpit I would probably use this (fictional) story/example to start off my super sermon (Aside: my husband called me a bonafide goober for this part of my blog, but I liked it so I kept it):

One time I won a "Fabulous Dream Cruise" and I was so excited!! I spent 3 months going to the tanning bed to get a base tan (this is where the congregation would pick up on the fact that I'm pulling from some fiction), worked out so I would be looking fantastic, and bought the cutest bikinis (not so preachery, sorry) I could find on sale at the Target. By the time I was headed to the port to load my ship I was looking like a million bucks and feeling even better. But when I got to my ship I found I was grossly underdressed and ill-equipped for this trip because the fine print on my winning cruise ticket stated that this would be an ALASKAN cruise. WHAT?! But I'm so cute and tan and ready for swimming with dolphins!?! I was sad and I felt sorry for myself for a brief minute (I love the beach after all), but I went anyway. And I had a wonderful, beautiful, unexpected time in Alaska. It didn't matter that I was looking at Free Willy instead of Flipper because it was still my DREAM CRUISE and it was still AWESOME! It wasn't what I thought it would be, but that didn't distract me from the breathtaking and spectacular experience of it all. It was Alaska vs Hawaii, but it was still great and it was still mine. Though challenging, sometimes the unexpected circumstance is even better than the experience we've been preparing for for the last 3 months. Let us pray...

I'm probably not going to be asked to speak at any religious conventions anytime soon, but the point I'm trying to make is that unexpected is not always a bad thing. Though I've never had a sick child, having to accept that my life isn't going according to my plan has really been difficult. While I grasp at straws and barter with God and fight with my rebellious ovaries, I never fail to consider that there are alternate routes to parenthood. It breaks my heart in two to think that I can't bear a child in my own womb, but I have come to the realization that I would love an adopted son or daughter (or both) as much as I would love a daughter or son whose genetic make-up I contributed to. It wouldn't be my DNA, but it WOULD be my baby. And isn't that the ultimate goal anyway, to be a mom?

I also just want to say, moms, that it is ok to mourn for the loss of what you expected. If you have a sick baby or baby with a "disability" (I HATE that term)it is ok to cry for the loss of the life you expected for your child. Just because you mourn for what you thought life would be for you and/or for your child, it doesn't mean you love them any less.  They are perfect and made in God's image and we all know that you will love him/her unconditionally as they grow up, or if they never "grow up" at all. So cry it out, cry hard and be selfish and hurt for what may never be. Then dance it out and remember what a blessing you have received! How blessed are you to be the one chosen to raise up this beautiful soul.

I don't want to marginalize the trials we may face by comparing them to a fictitious free cruise vacation, but I really liked the illustration. If you need a wildly non-judgmental ear, friends, pick this one. There's some strange, dark, and ugly thoughts bouncing around between these ears sometimes, so believe me, I get it.

I'm praying for you moms and dads!! Embrace the blessing.

XOXO,
Hannah

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that." --Albus Dumbledore